She shoved me in the shoulder and grabbed my hair. I grabbed hers. We were 15, standing in the hallway of a modeling agency, and she was convinced I had stolen her job.
I hadn't. A local brand had organized a casting for our entire agency, changed their mind about her, and chose me instead. I had no idea any of it had happened — I was just happy the job was mine. That's how I learned about competition between women in a hard way:)
But we're not 15 anymore. And thank God we can't just grab each other by the hair — but we still compete through social positioning, appearance, and reputation.
Studies found that 12% of our thoughts are comparative. Sit with that for a second.
Out of every 100 thoughts you have today, 12 of them are measuring you against someone else. That adds up fast. And there's actually something useful in it — comparison helps us make sense of the world, understand where we belong, and guides our decisions.
But mostly we compete in unhealthy ways. The biggest shift in comparison culture is this: we used to measure ourselves against family, friends, people in our local community. Now we're comparing ourselves to hundreds of people simultaneously — through social media and its very staged approach to content. The result? Decreased self-esteem and heightened anxiety.
The whole world is structured around competition — who gets the promotion, whose company takes first place, which team plays better. So it's no surprise that comparison is wired into us.
Comparison usually goes one of two ways: downward — measuring yourself against someone who's struggling more, trying to get a quick self-esteem boost. Or upward — measuring yourself against someone more successful, feeding your insecurities. Both steal your energy and your joy, and neither has anything to do with maturity, self-acceptance, or self-love.
Women have been competing with each other for a long time — and for most of history, there were real stakes (Resources were limited, opportunities rare, fighting made sense). But we're not in that era anymore. And I believe it's time to change it and bloom together instead.
Instead of comparing, I've noticed how the whole energy shifts when you consistently come back to an abundance mindset — to the fact that there is enough on this planet for each of us. And the more love and support you give to the woman next to you, the more comes back to you. Often in the most unexpected ways.
I remember recommending a woman in my network for a project I couldn't take on myself. I didn't think twice about it — she was the right person for it. A few months later she introduced me to someone who became one of my clients as well. She had no idea she was "returning the favor." That's exactly the point — it doesn't work like a transaction. It works more like compound interest. You put something good out, and it finds its way back through a door you didn't even know existed.
Switching comparison to inspiration is the move.
I have a Pinterest folder full of women starting businesses, changing the world, and looking like beauty icons while doing it. It lifts my mood every time and reminds me: if they can, so can I.
One more thing worth saying — what we see is only 1% of someone's reality. We have no idea what it cost them to get there. Our imagination fills in the gaps and builds this perfect, effortless life out of surface-level information. Remembering that short-circuits both upward and downward comparison before it even starts. And the fact that you're aware of it? You're already halfway there.
What makes ALL EYES ON US different is that nobody here is pretending to have it figured out. You can be a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time — and both are welcome here. I'm glad you're here. Let's bloom together.